Today's Headlines 10/5/04

* A new poll has showed that John Kerry and George Bush are statistically tied in the race to become President. Left wing analysts have argued that the country has grown tired of George Bush's message of bankrupting the country and destroying the world and have caught on to Kerry's message of bankrupting the country less and not destroying the world. Right wing analysts have argued that it was an infusion of money into the Kerry campaign by al Queda that has changed the numbers and that Bush would win the election once enough voter fraud is committed. Neutral analysts have postulated that it was Kerry's performance at the debate in which he was able to catch a paper airplane thrown at him by an eight year old girl that turned things around for his campaign.

* Merck announced that it was removing the drug Vioxx from the market because it was unable to give users a sustained erection.

* The Supreme Court announced today in a five-four decision that George Bush has defeated John Kerry in the November election. The decision, based on equitable estoppel, was written by Chief Justice Rehnquist. When asked why the Court had issued an opinion nearly a full month before the election, a spokesperson for Justice Rehnquist stated that the Court was committed to preventing the debacle of 2000 and wanted to prevent the court from becoming embroiled in another dispute and that deciding things now was the best way to avoid that.

* Op-Ed by Condoleezza Rice, National Security Advisor.

Now a lot of people, and I'm not saying that they're all terrorist sympathizers like John Kerry, but a lot of people have complained that the US should not have gone to war with Saddam Hussein. The primary argument advanced for this rational position is that in 2002 when the decision to go to war was made, the CIA had serious doubt that Saddam Hussein had nuclear weapons. Those people, and like I said, they don't all donate money to al Queda like John Kerry, argue that the US knew that Iran and North Korea and Pakistan had nuclear weapons or nuclear weapons programs. And the US knew that saudi Arabia was funding al Queda. But we needed to go to war with Saddam Hussein to find out if he had nuclear weapons. If he did, then that would be really important, and if he didn't didn't, then we just take over the country for the oil and make Halliburton rich. Either way it's a win. So don't criticize the war in iraq. Not because it means you're a terrorist sympathizer if you do. Not because the FBI will arrest you and we'll hold you in Guantanamo Bay as an enemy combatant. But because the US had every right to go in and find out whether Hussein had nuclear weapons. he didn't and now we know.

Today's Headlines Fox News Debate Questions 10/2/04

In an incredible act of bravery a member of the Fox News Team has turned over a list of the debate questions that are going to be used in the next debate. The questions were prepared by Fox News and are top secret.

* President Bush, before I ask you this question I just want to thank you for your strength and determination after September 11 and for executing a war on terror. The question Mr. President is this, everyone knows why Jesus Christ wants you to be reelected and everyone knows why the terrorists want Senator Kerry to win the election. My question sir, is why should Americans want you to be reelected.

* Senator Kerry, some people say that you were in fact born in France and that you are a French spy sent to undermine the American political system. Why should anyone believe your birth certificate which states that you were born in Colorado instead of these people?

* President Bush, before I ask this question I want to thank you for eliminating Saddam Hussein from power. I know that i sleep better at night knowing that I am safer. The question, sir, is this: what is the First Lady's favorite color?

* Senator Kerry everyone knows that the Democrats want to instill a godless homosexual state with no American flag and an abortion clinic on every corner and to make it illegal for decent law abiding Americans to purchase firearms to protect themselves from the criminals that have been let loose because of the Democrats policy of letting murderers loose rather than putting them to death; why then would anyone in their right mind vote for you? You have ten seconds to answer.

* Mr. President, on behalf of American workers I want to thank you for creating jobs by cutting through the bureaucratic red tape put in place by years of Democratic policies that have harmed workers by requiring overtime pay, a minimum wage, safety regulations, protections for union organizing, and other anti-job-growth policies. My question is this: do you understand how grateful all Americans are for your tremendous leadership in these trying times?

* Senator Kerry, some people say that you murdered your wife's previous husband to marry her for her money? Can you here tonight prove that you didn't?

* President Bush, you are so very handsome. My question is this, why haven't you rounded up the hippie freaks who don't support your anti-terror and economic policies of bankrupting the country and destroying the world?

* Senator Kerry, why are you such a flip-flopper? Aren't you a closeted homosexual? Didn't you burn seven American flags during anti-Vietnam protests? Cut his mike.