Headlines 5/12/07
* The company that makes the painkiller OxyContin and three of its current and former executives pleaded guilty Thursday in federal court here to criminal charges that it had misled doctors and patients. The ad campaign "OxyContin: It won't kill you" ran for years before law suits and action by the FDA ended it. The company, Purdue Pharma, agreed to pay $3 million total to the thirty five million people who died after taking OxyContin. Purdue Pharma will also have to pay $150 million to the RNC and provide a lifetime supply of non-lethal doses of OxyContin to Rush Limbaugh.
* General Motors Corporation is in negotiations with DaimlerChrysler to buy the Chrysler Division. GM, which lost $2 billion in 2006, is in the process of shrinking its operations to restructure and limit its losses. Chrysler lost $1.5 billion in 2006. The combined corporation is expected to lose so much money in fiscal 2007 as to warp time and space to create a profit. G. Richard Wagoner, Jr.: Chairman & CEO of General Motors stated that the proposed merger would be good for the long term financial viability of both companies and that his motivation for the merger was not that it would personally net him $300 million for one afternoon's work.
* Vice President Richard Cheney visited Iraq this week to continue the Bush administration's effort to propagandize the Iraq War. "Iraq is the front on the war on terror. We are here because the terrorists are here. If the terrorists weren't here we wouldn't be here. Now some people ask, well, the terrorists weren't here before you were here. I say to them, that's how good American foreign intelligence is. We invaded Iraq before the al Queda terrorists got here. In fact I believe the next place that we will encounter terrorists is Iran. Nudge nudge. Wink wink." Speculation has arisen that Cheney made the trip to Iraq because it was the one place where President Bush's approval rating is even lower than his own.
*Tony Blair announced today that he would step down as Bush's Poodle on June 27. Blair stated that he was stepping down to spend more time with his family and that the calls within the Labor party for his decapitation have nothing to do with his resignation.
*Rudy Giuliani's campaign stated that he would begin performing abortions on ferrets. Giuliani, the only pro-choice and anti-ferret Republican candidate, stated that he was proud of his support for choice and that although he found abortion morally repugnant he thought that ferrets needed to be eradicated and so it was a necessary measure. Giuliani also stated that he wasn't worried that his pro-abortion positions would hurt him in the Republican primary. "The Republican party is a big tent that includes pro-life people that are opposed to taxes on the rich, pro-choice people that are opposed to taxes on the rich, pro-gay-marriage people that are opposed to taxes on the rich and anti-gay-marriage people that are opposed to taxes on the rich." Giuliani added, "Plus I have assured James Dobson [chairman of Focus on the Family] that I would appoint strict anti-abortion candidates to the Supreme Court if I am elected." When asked how his appointment of pro-life Justices who would overturn Roe v. Wade squared with his view that abortion should be legal, Giuliani said, "Whatever. I was Mayor on 9/11."
* Monica Goodling is under investigation by the Department of Justice for making improper partisan hiring decisions when placing attorneys within the Department. Goodling seemed to believe that part of her job was to bring people with similar values into the Justice Department, several former colleagues said. It is unclear where she arrived at this ridiculous notion, however, some sources believe it was at an October 2005 meeting between Goodling, Karl Rove, former White House Counsel Harriet Miers, and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. At the meeting Rove said, "Make sure that the Justice Department is full of people with values similar to you and the president." Gonzales then said, "And make sure any US Attorneys who investigate corruption by Republicans have suitable replacements." Rove then added, "If a single Democrat is hired by the Justice Department your body will be in so many pieces that they won't have enough DNA to identify your body." White House Press Secretary Tony Snow stated that Rove's and Gonzales' comments were clearly taken out of context and that Goodling is clearly to blame.
* General Motors Corporation is in negotiations with DaimlerChrysler to buy the Chrysler Division. GM, which lost $2 billion in 2006, is in the process of shrinking its operations to restructure and limit its losses. Chrysler lost $1.5 billion in 2006. The combined corporation is expected to lose so much money in fiscal 2007 as to warp time and space to create a profit. G. Richard Wagoner, Jr.: Chairman & CEO of General Motors stated that the proposed merger would be good for the long term financial viability of both companies and that his motivation for the merger was not that it would personally net him $300 million for one afternoon's work.
* Vice President Richard Cheney visited Iraq this week to continue the Bush administration's effort to propagandize the Iraq War. "Iraq is the front on the war on terror. We are here because the terrorists are here. If the terrorists weren't here we wouldn't be here. Now some people ask, well, the terrorists weren't here before you were here. I say to them, that's how good American foreign intelligence is. We invaded Iraq before the al Queda terrorists got here. In fact I believe the next place that we will encounter terrorists is Iran. Nudge nudge. Wink wink." Speculation has arisen that Cheney made the trip to Iraq because it was the one place where President Bush's approval rating is even lower than his own.
*Tony Blair announced today that he would step down as Bush's Poodle on June 27. Blair stated that he was stepping down to spend more time with his family and that the calls within the Labor party for his decapitation have nothing to do with his resignation.
*Rudy Giuliani's campaign stated that he would begin performing abortions on ferrets. Giuliani, the only pro-choice and anti-ferret Republican candidate, stated that he was proud of his support for choice and that although he found abortion morally repugnant he thought that ferrets needed to be eradicated and so it was a necessary measure. Giuliani also stated that he wasn't worried that his pro-abortion positions would hurt him in the Republican primary. "The Republican party is a big tent that includes pro-life people that are opposed to taxes on the rich, pro-choice people that are opposed to taxes on the rich, pro-gay-marriage people that are opposed to taxes on the rich and anti-gay-marriage people that are opposed to taxes on the rich." Giuliani added, "Plus I have assured James Dobson [chairman of Focus on the Family] that I would appoint strict anti-abortion candidates to the Supreme Court if I am elected." When asked how his appointment of pro-life Justices who would overturn Roe v. Wade squared with his view that abortion should be legal, Giuliani said, "Whatever. I was Mayor on 9/11."
* Monica Goodling is under investigation by the Department of Justice for making improper partisan hiring decisions when placing attorneys within the Department. Goodling seemed to believe that part of her job was to bring people with similar values into the Justice Department, several former colleagues said. It is unclear where she arrived at this ridiculous notion, however, some sources believe it was at an October 2005 meeting between Goodling, Karl Rove, former White House Counsel Harriet Miers, and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. At the meeting Rove said, "Make sure that the Justice Department is full of people with values similar to you and the president." Gonzales then said, "And make sure any US Attorneys who investigate corruption by Republicans have suitable replacements." Rove then added, "If a single Democrat is hired by the Justice Department your body will be in so many pieces that they won't have enough DNA to identify your body." White House Press Secretary Tony Snow stated that Rove's and Gonzales' comments were clearly taken out of context and that Goodling is clearly to blame.
posted by posttimestribune at 8:16 AM
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