Today's Headlines 8/5/06
Because it is the end of the world, I thought I would give you translations of some of the prophesies of Nostradamus about the end of days.
* And so it will be in the end of days that the man who told the tale of the Passion of the Christ will understand what is befalling humanity and he shall take to drinking heavy intoxicate and he shall drive his carriage in an erratic manner in the City of Angels so that the constables shall take him in. And when he is taken before the constables he shall prophesy that the people of the book have taken over the land of entertainment and have persecuted him. And then when the man who told the tale of the Passion of the Christ ends his prophesy he will give up intoxicants and then he shall recant his prophesies, but they shall remain true in his heart. And the way we shall know that this is true is that he shall say that some of his best friends are people of the book.
* And so it will be in the end of days the ruler of the land of cigars shall have diverticulitis and he shall be attended to by many physicians and those physicians shall advise him to go under the knife as a curative. When the ruler of the land of cigars shall enter surgery he shall nominally pass authority to his mother's son who shall also be his father's son and he shall rule in his stead. And the former inhabitants of the land of cigars who live in the land of the elderly shall make much rejoicing that the ruler has diverticulitis and that he has handed power to his brother. But the brother shall not rule for long and the curative shall be successful.
* And so it shall be in the end of days that a senator in the land of the west who shall be a person of the book shall engage in a political battle with a wealthy man who believes nearly everything the senator believes, but the senator shall be chastised for his support of the war and he shall poll very badly.
* And so it shall be in the end of days that the senator who was the wife of the ruler of the land of the west shall watch the political battle of the senator who is a person of the book and she shall realize that her support of the war will hut her when she attempts to become the ruler in the next cycle of elections. So the senator who used to be the wife of the ruler shall call attend a government hearing and call for the resignation of the government minister who led the war. And no one will ask why she had not called for the resignation of the minister months or years before when his incompetence was clear to the world.
*And so it shall be in the end of days in the land of the west that the part in the minority will call to raise the salaries of all workers and the party of the majority shall say that they will raise the salary of the workers if they agree to end requiring the rich to pay a tariff on their estate to the government when they pass. And the party in the minority shall if this is the end of days, why does it matter if the government collects tariffs on the estate of the deceased who are wealthy? And the party in the majority shall say, if this is the end of day why shall we raise the wages of the workers? And no vote shall be passed. And the party in the minority shall call the party in the majority duplicitous. And the party in the majority shall call the party in the minority obstructionist. And both party shall go to campaign in their elections and blame the other.
* And so it shall be in the end of days that there shall be a contest of men who ride two wheel vehicles in the mountains of France and there shall be a man from the land of the west who shall dominate the sport until his retirement. Then after his retirement another man from the land of the west shall complete the contest in the shortest amount of time but then they shall test his humors and they shall find a substance in the stream that would indicate that the man from the west violated the rules. And he shall be disqualified and it shall be a great embarresment to the people of the west.
* And so it will be in the end of days that the man who told the tale of the Passion of the Christ will understand what is befalling humanity and he shall take to drinking heavy intoxicate and he shall drive his carriage in an erratic manner in the City of Angels so that the constables shall take him in. And when he is taken before the constables he shall prophesy that the people of the book have taken over the land of entertainment and have persecuted him. And then when the man who told the tale of the Passion of the Christ ends his prophesy he will give up intoxicants and then he shall recant his prophesies, but they shall remain true in his heart. And the way we shall know that this is true is that he shall say that some of his best friends are people of the book.
* And so it will be in the end of days the ruler of the land of cigars shall have diverticulitis and he shall be attended to by many physicians and those physicians shall advise him to go under the knife as a curative. When the ruler of the land of cigars shall enter surgery he shall nominally pass authority to his mother's son who shall also be his father's son and he shall rule in his stead. And the former inhabitants of the land of cigars who live in the land of the elderly shall make much rejoicing that the ruler has diverticulitis and that he has handed power to his brother. But the brother shall not rule for long and the curative shall be successful.
* And so it shall be in the end of days that a senator in the land of the west who shall be a person of the book shall engage in a political battle with a wealthy man who believes nearly everything the senator believes, but the senator shall be chastised for his support of the war and he shall poll very badly.
* And so it shall be in the end of days that the senator who was the wife of the ruler of the land of the west shall watch the political battle of the senator who is a person of the book and she shall realize that her support of the war will hut her when she attempts to become the ruler in the next cycle of elections. So the senator who used to be the wife of the ruler shall call attend a government hearing and call for the resignation of the government minister who led the war. And no one will ask why she had not called for the resignation of the minister months or years before when his incompetence was clear to the world.
*And so it shall be in the end of days in the land of the west that the part in the minority will call to raise the salaries of all workers and the party of the majority shall say that they will raise the salary of the workers if they agree to end requiring the rich to pay a tariff on their estate to the government when they pass. And the party in the minority shall if this is the end of days, why does it matter if the government collects tariffs on the estate of the deceased who are wealthy? And the party in the majority shall say, if this is the end of day why shall we raise the wages of the workers? And no vote shall be passed. And the party in the minority shall call the party in the majority duplicitous. And the party in the majority shall call the party in the minority obstructionist. And both party shall go to campaign in their elections and blame the other.
* And so it shall be in the end of days that there shall be a contest of men who ride two wheel vehicles in the mountains of France and there shall be a man from the land of the west who shall dominate the sport until his retirement. Then after his retirement another man from the land of the west shall complete the contest in the shortest amount of time but then they shall test his humors and they shall find a substance in the stream that would indicate that the man from the west violated the rules. And he shall be disqualified and it shall be a great embarresment to the people of the west.
posted by posttimestribune at 7:59 PM
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